Here I am 12 days past my "due date" and still no baby. The first couple days past my due date I was starting to go crazy. I felt like I was failing. Like I was doing something wrong. Like we had an agreement and she wasn't keeping her end of the bargain. I had worked hard, so hard, to give her the best possible start in life and just as I was reaching the finish line it was suddenly moved to who knows where. I was now in a race where I didn't know how much longer I needed to run, but that I just needed to keep running. I didn't know if I could keep racing and I started to doubt my ability to give birth naturally. I stopped exercising, I stopped eating right and I started to feel like a typical pregnant woman (things I had not felt my whole pregnancy). I was tired, I was moody, I just wanted to eat junk, I wasn't wanting to talk to anyone, and I felt like I was failing.
Then one day in a very gentle manor my husband sweetly reminded me how even though it is hard, I have always felt better when I exercise and eat right. So I recommitted myself, headed to the gym, and decided to recommit myself to healthy eating.
For my daughter.
For the unborn child still in my womb.
I reminded myself that due dates are just a best guess and that she knows when she is ready to come. I made a conscious decision to face the world, to face those annoying, intrusive comments from complete strangers and friends alike. I decided I want to wait for her and that she is worth the wait. I decided I wasn't in a hurry and to set my expectations low, I started telling people I will be thrilled to have a baby in my arms by Thanksgiving (one month past my due date). I found house projects, books, sewing projects and the like to keep my mind occupied with other things. And I also made a conscious effort to cherish these last few uninterrupted days with my boys.
Now it's only a matter of days until she is in my arms and in some ways that seems so fast. I was able to see her on the ultrasound and know that she is happy and still growing.
I can see the finish line and I know I have it in me to keep racing. I think it's good for the soul in so many ways to learn to be patient and choose to learn from this extra time I have been given.
I figure I have to wait regardless of whether or not I worry about my baby. So I am choosing to be happy and optimistic.
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